Walk on head

So many changes need to be made everyday. It’s funny how we have to make changes in almost everything and almost everyday. For the better? yes? no? it all depends. It’s even more funny since it appears that nobody really like changes in their life. Remember that saying “don’t rock the boat”? People made changes in order to be “better” in who’s or what standard?

Example at work, I think it will be better if we go paperless because I am more of an online, computer techie, gadget freak whatever you want to call it. However for some who are not they will dislike the changes to paperless. I will be happy with the changes while they won’t. Vise versa they will love the changes to not doing paperless while I will probably will be miserable ;). I rather call these changes we have to make everyday as adjustment, way of compromise. It just sound much better than change.

My son had a melt down last night. He feels that life is unfair. He said he knows that he loves God and mommy and daddy. But he does not feel that he love us last night. He does not feel that we love him. That life is not fair. That he gets into trouble whenever others did bad things to him and when he stand up for himself, he will be the one that gets into trouble. I tried to explain to him the best that I can. That the feeling he has currently probably because he’s angry or upset with the situation he is in, but no matter what, God and mommy and daddy will love you anyway. Forever.

I never thought I’d have so many deep conversation with my 6 years old. He is such a thinker for his age.

He seems to feel much better today, even though I had to  raised my voice a tad bit to get the boys (husband and son) attention as they play and I knew it usually ended up with both getting upset. I did it and now I am the bad one! geez!

I was a little frustrated and hurt, frustrated that I can’t get my point across unless I raised my voice. Hurt that I had to do that to people I love the most. I am tired because people at work just loves pointing finger and washed their hand. Because of some loud mouth and childish people that won’t take honor of what they are doing and have a habit of twisting thing around and blame others for their actions, I happen to be the scapegoat since I am not loud. I had 4 Mondays so far and it’s hard to not letting the burden from work stays at the doormat at home when I do not get my peace at home. Most of the time I can handle that pretty easy. But when you had 4 Mondays I found it kinda hard.

The painting I did tonight showing how I feel, I am sad, heart broken, people walk all over me, step on my head, yet I still have hope that things will be better.


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